Women's Healthcare Topics

Father to Be

Reviewed by James Brann, M.D.

Baby's Father-To-Be

Is your baby's father to be the same man he always was now that you're pregnant? Are his goals (financial, professional, spiritual, emotional) changing as your due date approaches?

Are you enjoying his reaction to the baby on the way, or do you sometimes wonder where he's coming from? If he's all you'd hoped for in a pregnancy partner, good for you. If he's not acting as you expected, hopefully he's at least entertaining in his approach to becoming a parent (or a parent yet again). Remember, just because you're the one living with baby twenty four seven right now, he'll be there for the long haul, too. His needs, while not as immediate as your own, need to be met, too.

Sometimes the News of Impending Fatherhood Seems to Change a Man

Has the baby's father changed now that you are pregnant?

That change might be a deeper maturity, an increased work ethic, a more attentive nature.

These are all signs that your partner recognizes the commitment the two of you made when you created this new life; these are positive changes. Sometimes, the changes are less than positive. Does your partner seem to see your pregnancy as proof of his virility? Is he more concerned with what fatherhood will take away from life than what it will add?

Did he react the way you expected him to when you announced your pregnancy? Did your big news change your husband from the man you knew into someone you almost don't recognize?

Do you recognize either of these men as they announce their big news?

The Caveman:
"Me make baby. Me so proud. Me very potent."

She will carry baby. Push out. I will meet baby once he's cleaned up. No need to participate until baby can smile. That is her job. I did my job the night baby was made.

Me make baby, you know. See my woman? She get big with my child.

The Metrosexual:
We are just so incredibly pleased to announce to you that we are three months pregnant. We're not feeling as well as we'd like, but I've taught my wonderful wife all about the absolute necessity to eat only organic foods which I will prepare for her. No food that wasn't prepared in our kitchen, she can't be trusted to be sure it's certified organic.

I will read to baby in utero for at least thirty minutes three times a day so that she gets into the right pre-school. I've made a spreadsheet to track daily weight gain, though of course my darling will gain exactly 17 pounds and no more than that. I simply can't allow it. Not healthy, you see.

Oh, excuse me. I'm feeling a little tired. Pregnancy is so difficult for us both, what with all the changes.

I think that I'll sign us up for a prenatal Pilates class. I know that my wife prefers aerobics, but I've done my research and I think I know what's best. Besides, Pilates will help me look my best in the hospital scrubs I've purchased to wear in the hospital. They're very flattering. I'll look great in the pictures.

Someone suggested we get a doula, but I know that no doula could possibly know as much about my, oops, I mean, our pregnancy as I do. I mean we do.

Have you seen the maternity shop on 9th Avenue? It's got the sweetest little...

These very opposite ends of the spectrum are out there, it's no joke. Hopefully, they're only out there in small numbers.

If there was a game show where you could choose your partner's Pregnancy Personality, I bet you wouldn't pick either of those men. Caveman Vs. Metrosexual? Where does your partner fit into the spectrum?

Somewhere in between is Mr. Right

Or at least, Mr. Right Most of the Time. For your sake, I hope your baby's doting dad is somewhere in between. You want the father to be to be proud, but you want him to be compassionate and supportive. You want him to be sensitive, but you want to be able to decide what to eat for breakfast without being counseled on nutrition. You want him to be an active participant in your pregnancy, but you don't want him experiencing sympathy morning sickness.


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