Getting the Kids Ready for the Big Event of a New Family Member

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Most children do not have much exposure to very young babies. They don't know what to expect... about the hospital, about the baby, about life once baby comes home.

Labor/Delivery Where will your children be when you're in labor? Do they want to be with you? Do you want them there? Who is available to care for them? Who do they want to be with? How does the hospital accommodate children? Are there special sibling visiting hours? Do your children know what the hospital looks, sounds, feels like? Take a hospital tour. If formal tours are offered, sign up for one. If they aren't, arrange to walk your child through the maternity ward. While you're there, stop by the nursery windows so your children can see how small newborn babies are, how different they look than older babies, with whom they probably have more experience.

Does your child think you're going to give birth to an instant playmate? To a doll which will lay in a crib quietly until someone feels like holding it? Read stories, watch home movies, invite a small baby over for a visit. Babies cry, babies need to be held often, babies sleep a lot. Children should know this before baby is born.

Practice baby care with dolls. Teach your sons and daughters how to hold babies by practicing with a "baby" that doesn't wiggle. Or smell. Or spit up. Find a close to life size doll in the toy box or borrow one from a friend. Remind them that your family's baby isn't going to be a doll, that they need to talk to a grownup before they hold, feed, or touch the real baby. Consider teaching young children that baby's feet are the best part of the baby to touch, or the only part that's acceptable to touch without permission. Much better than baby's hands. No germs on those precious baby fingers going straight into that precious baby mouth. Smaller chance of injury.

For children under six, a doll is a perfect big brother or sister gift. Prepare them a diaper bag of their own, complete with a few diapers, an empty bottle, a blanket, etc. When baby does come home, those eager helpers can help you when it's appropriate, then take care of their dolls when the real baby needs attention only a grownup can give.

Give plenty of affection and praise. Sometimes, it's necessary to be deliberate when it comes to affection and praise. You can never give too many affirmations or hugs and kisses, but it is possible to give too little. Be sure that you are as affectionate as you've always been (or more). There are always enough encouraging words, kisses and hugs to go around, no matter how many children one has. Sometimes, you just have to watch to be sure you're remembering to distribute them.

Allow children to visit you in the hospital when baby is in the room, but also to spend time with you in the hospital without baby at the center of things. As exciting a time as it is, they need to feel that they are not losing your attention. The way to show them this is to spend some time relishing in their company without baby as the only focus. Unless, of course, they want baby to be the focus the whole time. Then, follow their lead.

Discuss sleeping arrangements before baby comes home. Will baby be sleeping in three year old big brother's crib, which was only given up a month ago? Prepare him for that. Show him pictures of himself as a little baby in the crib, telling him that cribs are to keep babies safe. Beds are for kids who don't need bars to keep them in.

Will baby be sleeping in Mom and Dad's room? Explain why that decision has been made. The two main reasons you can present are frequent feeding and noise control. Little babies need to eat many times throughout the night and the only way they let their grownups know that is by crying. You want everyone to get a good night sleep because they have such important work to do in the daytime like going to school and soccer (or building tall tower with blocks for little kids). The baby's crying might wake everyone up, so it's better to have baby right near Mom and Dad. If your older child slept in your room as a newborn, tell them that. Tell her it worked so well when you did it with her, that you think you'll do it again with this baby.

Be careful not to present the sleeping arrangements as necessary because babies need parents more than big kids do. That encourages regression.

Will baby be sharing brother/sister's room? Give your child time to get used to the idea. Consider putting the crib in a month or so before your due date. If space allows, let the older child help choose where baby's things go and where his own things go.

Remind your older sons and daughters that one of the reasons you wanted this baby in the first place is because they themselves are such wonderful people...that they bring you joy (now as much as when they were babies). Be as patient with big brothers and sisters as you hope they will be with baby as she grows. Lead by example