More Ways to Ease the Transition for the Kids

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More Ways to Ease the Transition for Kids
4. Spend quality time with children, taking time together which is decidedly not about preparing for baby. Then keep it up once baby arrives. Special time alone with each of your children is so good for your relationship. It makes children feel valued as individuals and gives you insight into their hearts. When there's no competition for attention, you often see a side of your child you may not notice on a daily basis.

Take a long walk together. Go to a concert together. Go out for ice cream with your son. Take your daughter to work with you. See a movie your child chooses, rather than one you want to see. Read a book together. Even older children benefit from reading together. A few minutes at night taking turns reading aloud gives you quality time to look forward to every day. Do these things as often as you can. Your spouse should do it, too. Make your children's unique personalities and interests a priority so they don't get lost in the shuffle.

Your child will appreciate the alone time with you, and so will you.

5. Put yourself in your little one's (or not so little one's) shoes. Do not cite pregnancy as a reason for changes in how you meet your obligations. Do not force your excitement on your child. Be as empathetic as you can be. Kids lives change, too. The difference is, they had no part in the decision which brings about the change.

If you heard your mother say that she couldn't make you your favorite meal because her pregnant digestive system could not stand the look, smell, or taste of it, how might that affect you?

What about if your mother couldn't carry you because you weighed more than a grocery sack? If you've been carrying your five year old up the steps every day of his life, and suddenly you can't do it anymore, the last thing you should say is, "Sweetie, I can't lift you anymore. It's not good for the baby in my tummy." That's a recipe for rivalry. What's an appropriate response? "My goodness, look how big and strong you are. Can you show me how your big boy five year old legs can climb those steps?" Or, "My back is not feeling so strong today. Silly back! You know what? Maybe you could hold my hand and help me up those steps because you're such an awesome climber." No mention of baby. It's not necessary.

What about a teen who is embarrassed about the family's pregnancy? Try to remember being 13 or 15. Feelings are so intense at this stage (sort of like during pregnancy?) and the best route is to give your teen time and space to get used to the idea of the baby.

6. Sometimes, you've got to fake it. There will come a time when you struggle to be tolerant of your child or step-child. When you're pregnant, you're going through a lot physically and emotionally. What normally gets on your nerves a little may bring you to the verge of tears (or screams) when you're pregnant. Remember that you are the adult and that ultimately, no matter the age of your children, they are children. We as adults need to smile and put on happy faces sometimes for children because they are vulnerable more vulnerable than we. Vulnerability is an invitation to rivalry.

That does not mean you should tolerate disrespect or inappropriate behavior. What it means is that despite your aching back or your propensity for tears, you need to be there for your kids, for his kids, because it is the right thing to do. Faking it isn't about lying; it's about maintaining the appearance of stability until actual stability returns. Children need to continue to be children, trusting in the grownup world to keep them safe.