What's a tired mom-to-be to do? Buy a Snoozer Pillow
Make a list of the things you desire from your partner, a wish list of sorts, then make a list of absolute requirements for helping you through the months ahead. Communicate your needs when you're both relaxed and have some time to devote to discussion. Invite him to make a list of his own, then consider it as seriously as you hope he does yours. His wants and needs are important, too.
Not all mothers-in-waiting want the same things from their partner. Nor do all fathers-to-be want the same things. Talking it out is essential. Not everyone has the same expectations for involvement, though we sometimes assume that everyone's wishes match our own, or that our soul mate should be able to read our minds.
She Wants/He Wants
Some things to think about, talk about and agree on:
Do you expect him to be at every doctor's visit? Or just specific ones? Conversely, would he feel left out if you went to the doctor without him?
Do you need him to spend a bit more time with you now that you're pregnant?
Do you have the same sexual desires during various stages of your pregnancy? Do you crave more or less contact? And just as importantly, does he?
How can he make life easier for you when you're not feeling well? What activities are too difficult for you that he can take over? What activities that you normally don't do might you be interested in taking over?
What would make you feel cherished? What would make him feel that he's still as important as he's always been?
How do you envision your labor and delivery? What ideas do you each have about pain control?
What role do you expect him to play during delivery? What does he expect to be happening? Do you see him focused 100% on you? Does that mean no cell phones in the room? No ballgames on TV? It sounds obvious, but it's not. Some women hope there's a good ball game on to distract their squeamish husbands. Others don't care what else is happening in the world, they want their partners to be at their side focused solely on the birth. No eating if mom can't eat, no napping if mom can't nap. Neither approach is wrong, because each pregnancy and relationship is unique. But, you need to talk it out in advance. Lovingly.
These issues may need to be addressed more than once as your pregnancy progresses. Wants and needs change as pregnancy progresses. You are a team, and acting as one is beneficial to the entire family.
Sometimes men are detached because they don't understand pregnancy.
The best thing for you both (and for baby, too) is to make Dad as much a part of the experience as possible. And a major part of the experience is education. The better he understands your pregnancy, the better he understands you and is able to support you and prepare with you for your future with baby.
Most of the focus is on you, so try to share the spotlight when you can.
Buy or borrow a home heartbeat monitor so he can hear baby's heartbeat.
Read pregnancy materials together.
If he can't attend a prenatal doctor's visit, have him make a list of questions he'd like answered by the doctor.
Discuss things like names and nursery décor with him, rather than assuming you know his opinion.
Suggest the possibility of a co-ed baby shower to your friends and family.
Encourage him to talk to baby every day.
If he's hesitant around your pregnant middle, reassure him that you welcome his touch.
Tell him when baby's moving and if necessary, grab his hand and place it on those little feet as they squirm.
Tell him all the things you love about him that will make him a great father.
Expose him to babies before yours arrives if he's not had much hands on experience.
Listen to his opinions and weigh them carefully.
Make quality time together a priority.
Never forget that this is his baby, too.
Baby needs you both, so work together to get baby's world in order.
Who else is in that world? Is this baby your first? Do you have a bigger "baby" to prepare for the new arrival?
