We Are Family

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We Are Family
The little stick has turned pink! Your blood test came back positive! This is just the news you've been waiting for and you can't wait to share it. But should you? When is the right time to make that big announcement? Two key people need to be informed immediately. Your partner and your doctor.

What is the best way to tell your partner that the two of you are about to become the three of you? Or that the three children you have are about to become four? Or the... okay, you get the point. Telling your sweetheart that a baby's on the way can be both exciting and a little nerve wracking.

How to tell him...where to tell him...when to tell him. Whether he's as anxious to parent as you are, or whether he's more reserved about parenting, your breaking this news is the emotional equivalent to his popping the big question (or asking you to move in together if that's the lifestyle choice you've made). Think of the planning you'd want to go into such an event if you were on the receiving end of such tremendous news.

Make your announcement special. After all what is more special than creating a life together? This is not the time for an email. Unless hubby's a techno wizard, in which case that might be an apropos means of giving him the news. How about a romantic dinner topped off by a cake with a pacifier on top?

Make this announcement truly special. After all, Dads are often left out of all the fuss that is made over pregnancy. Make a fuss over him, the rest of the fuss (from friends, family, and even strangers) will be all about you. Oh, yes and the baby, of course.

Call your doctor within a day or two of learning you are pregnant. You need to get yourself into the office's system and schedule your first prenatal appointment. You should inform your insurance company, as well.

What about everyone else? When does the rest of the world need to know you're expecting? The only answer to that question is: they need to know when you are good and ready to tell them. Some women spread the news right away. Some wait until after their first prenatal appointment. Others wait until the end of the first trimester. Others until they are showing and there's no hiding it. Telling or keeping the pregnancy a sweet little secret...both are very personal choices. Do not feel pressured in either direction. There are a few reasons people choose to keep their good news private initially.

Personal reasons like a history of miscarriages, cultural ones like family tradition, or medical reasons. If you feel that it's best to wait until you have gone through the first trimester and your risk of miscarriage has decreases tremendously, then you should wait.

One key concern is timing when to make the announcement to other children. The age of your children is the key factor in when they should be told. If children are old enough to notice changes in your health and behavior, like morning sickness, weight gain, or uncontrollable excitement, they should be told right away in terminology they can understand. No need to go into full detail...rather tell them that you are pregnant and when the baby is expected to arrive. Invite them to ask questions and remind them that if questions come up later, they should not be afraid to ask them.

When dealing with young children, the wait should be longer. Think about it. Nine months is an awfully long time to wait for something. Keep in mind how hard it's going to be for you and you're an adult. Some psychology professionals recommend waiting to inform big brothers and sisters about little brothers or sisters until Mom is showing. That way, they do not worry that Mom is ill and their wait is that much shorter.

If you choose to hold off on making the big announcement to your children or stepchildren, it is important that they do not pick up on the tail ends of conversations. Choosing not to tell children right away should influence your decision regarding who else to tell. After all, other than you and Dad, they are the ones who will be most affected by baby's arrival.

To tell or not to tell. That's a question with no single correct answer. Regardless of when you choose to share your news, obviously everyone in your life will know eventually. And they'll be thrilled no matter when you tell them!

It may take a village to raise a child... but does it take a village to grow one to the point where it's ready to meet the village?

This baby you're carrying feels like your personal miracle, and it is. It's a miracle to be shared between you and your partner. It's evidence of the bond you share, the love you have for one another, the dreams you're building for the future. But, guess what? That baby will be part of other bonds, other love, other dreams...those of your family, both nuclear and extended. That baby is important to your in-laws and your parents (no matter the climate of your relationship), your children and stepchildren (whether they realize it consciously or not), your brothers and sisters, to many, many people.

All that potential love for your baby is a blessing, no matter how you feel about the people who will bestow that love. Welcome the love, but prepare for occasionally feeling put out by the lovers. You may feel as though you're being smothered by too much attention. You may want them to step back and just let you enjoy your pregnancy. You may wish they'd keep their agendas to themselves.

Remember this: however their attention makes you feel, it's motivated by love...love for you, for your husband, for the baby...maybe one of you, maybe two of you, maybe all three of you. It is about love. Even jealous stepchildren or cranky fathers-in-law act the way they do because they love someone in your life. Everyone's world changes with this baby's arrival, so give family members a bit of time and space to smother you with attention, offer some unsolicited advice, question their roles. If they get it out of their systems now, while you have the excuse of fatigue or a long to-do list to put them off when it all becomes too much, you'll all be better prepared when baby arrives.

Speaking of new roles, how's Daddy reacting to this pregnancy?